


The mistakes of my future

by TheGhostInTheMachine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Character Death, Confrontations, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Dean Winchester is Loved, Dean Winchester mans up, Episode: s05e04 The End, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Happy Ending, Heart-to-Heart, Honesty, Hugging, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Men Crying, POV Dean Winchester, Possibly Unrequited Love, Promises, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 09:20:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20721860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGhostInTheMachine/pseuds/TheGhostInTheMachine
Summary: AU of 5x04:Dean decides to confront endverse Castiel about the weird tension between him and his future self and gets more than he bargained for.





	The mistakes of my future

**Author's Note:**

> Normally I'm not really fond of angst but I just couldn't get this scene out of my head. 
> 
> English isn't my first language. Big thanks to [fishdust](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishdust/pseuds/fishdust) for fixing my grammar!
> 
> Enjoy the story :)

Dean, who had just met future Cas for the first time, walked through the camp trying to clear his head.

Something was clearly wrong. Not that their lives had been peachy before, but now?

No, now something was terribly, seriously messed up with all of them.

What the hell happened to all of them?

His own bitterness over losing Sam to Lucifer. He got  that . 

But what was going on with Cas?

Dean couldn’t believe he was even thinking that but only a year ago he would have been happy to see the prude, stiff angel of the lord, having horizontal fun with some chicks while being high as a kite.

But now? It honestly disturbed him the most.

All the things he had gotten  used to associat ing with the angel were gone.

Besides, there was no shame in admitting that the dorky guy slowly but steadily had grown on him and he would call him a friend.

Everything that made Cas the person he was had disappeared.

For an outsider, this would seem confusing because the angel now seemed to have more similarities to the hunter than ever and so  Dean should be more than happy.

But all he felt thinking about this future Cas was disappointment.

Usually, Cas managed, with his morals and ideals and sometimes uniquely strange ways of doing things, to make Dean want to be better. 

A better brother, a better friend or heck, just a better man.

And now?

This Cas here would probably pat Dean on the shoulder if he had one more beer than necessary instead of talking to him about the reason behind it.

Without really being able to put a finger on it, Dean only knew one thing ; it  was wrong.

Something along the way must have gone terribly wrong.

Because otherwise he couldn’t imagine that an apocalypse would be able to throw a guy like that for a loop that badly.

With a resolute nod to himself, he decided he had to get to the bottom of that.

After taking a one-hour long nap, he did exactly that.

When he arrived at Cas’ door, the first thing he noticed was that the other seemed to have just washed himself.

His hair was even dripping slightly and Dean was violently reminded that Cas had mentioned something about an orgy before.

Dean shuddered at the thought while walking inside.

“So…how can I help you? You said you wanted to talk to me about something.”

Cas looked him over with his arms crossed while leaning opposite him against something that resembled a kitchen counter.

Dean nodded slowly while trying to look at everything but the angel.

“Yeah. I mean I don’t really know how to ask. I mean maybe it’s nothing and I’m just paranoid? I mean-“ 

“Just ask what you want to ask.”

The hunter let out a nervous huff of laughter before fixing Cas with his eyes.

“You know what? You’re right. Why do I have to be nervous anyway? You’re freaking Cas, man. And I’m Dean.”

Dean missed Cas’ flinching at that.

“We’re Cas and Dean. I can talk to you.” 

Now he noticed the change in the other’s expression. He looked almost pained while being angry.

“Right?”

For a few tense moments, Dean entertained the thought of Cas just kicking him out. His look would suit that. But then Cas released a long breath and seemed to sink inwards.

Not that this look was any better. Now he simply looked defeated.

“Right.”

Upon noticing Dean’s hesitating he even managed to force something that resembled a smile on his face.

Dean frowned but opened his mouth to speak.

“It’s just that I noticed there’s a really strange vibe going on here. I mean between you and me or future me.”

Cas raised both eyebrows.

“What happened between us?”

On that Castiel’s impression changed completely. It was almost creepy.

Suddenly his mouth turned into a grin and his eyebrows frowned but the worst was his eyes.

His eyes seemed to have lost any warm emotions and resembled ice.

Dean froze while Cas pushed himself forward until he was only a step away. 

“You want to know what happened? What do you think happened?”

This had obviously been a rhetorical question because when the hunter was just about to answer, Cas began to pace while talking.

“You want to know what happened? I love you, Dean. That happened.” 

Dean frowned.

Feeling confused, he answered saying the first best thing that came to his mind.

“I love you too, buddy.”

Cas let out an angry-sounding groan while spinning around, fixing on Dean once more.

“No! Stop that at once! You don’t love me! At least not the way- No! I don’t mean it the way you think, Dean.”

Starting to hear his way too fast-beating heart, Dean waited for him to continue. 

With a grim sigh, Cas began to talk again, seemingly calmer.

“I meant that I love you like, I want to be close to you, I want to be able to kiss you, I want to be allowed to touch you and I want to spend my life with you.”

Dean swallowed, listening to his friend’s voice breaking towards the end. 

Feeling his chest  constrict , he almost whispered his next question.

“But what?- I mean what happened?” 

Cas laughed shortly at this. It sounded bitter.

“What happened was me having been naïve enough to think if I let you fuck me, you would reciprocate my feelings.”

Flinching at this, Dean was too stunned to really grasp it all.

This was the reason why the following came out of his mouth.

“But I’m not gay.”

Cas huffed while rolling his eyes.

“Keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night, Dean. The only thing I can tell you to this matter is that you fucked me way too often to claim that you have no homosexual tendencies at all.”

Dean decided that they  should agree to disagree and just urged  Cas to tell him more.

Something that annoyed Cas immensely.

“What else do you want to know?! That I thought I would be enough for you? Or that I had stupidly thought that we had been in an exclusive relationship only to find out how wrong I was when I walked in while you were busy with someone? Or do you want to know how funny you thought all of that was? Even funny enough to laugh into my face for what a child I was for believing all of that?” 

Dean watched helplessly  as his friend fell apart in front of him. Tears had begun to run down Cas’ face during his rant but neither did pay them any mind.

The hunter honestly felt like he could puke.

How could he have done any of that? And even more importantly, why? He had never been cruel or unfaithful for that matter. So he was truly at a loss and started to hate his future self even more.

He wanted to kill him but didn’t know what would even happen if he did.

Anyway, Cas had to be the priority now.

“Cas, I am so so-“

Before he could finish, Cas sprung towards him and clasped his hand over Dean’s mouth.

“Don’t!”

Dean just looked confused and tried to convey that through the hand that was still covering his mouth but Cas only shook his head.

“Don’t apologize. You haven’t done all those things. At least not yet. Just promise me one thing?”

Still unable to use his mouth properly, he only nodded.

“Don’t do it again. Don’t play with me like that. Don’t make me hope and then take that hope away from me. Because even if you hadn’t realized it back then, I had already loved you back then. I may have been not really good at showing it, but I did.”

At that, a small smile flickered over his features as if remembering happier times. It was gone in a second.

He fixed Dean’s eyes one last time.

“Believe it or not. You destroyed me. You broke me, Dean. So you asked what happened? You happened.”

They stared wordlessly at each other for a few moments until they simultaneously seemed to realize how close they were standing.

Cas slowly put his hand down, looking bashfully.

Meanwhile, Dean  uncomfortably cleared his throat.

They both avoided each other’s eyes.

Cas, due to feeling embarrassed about his outburst and Dean, due to feeling overwhelmed and helpless.

Where to go from there?

Suddenly Dean remembered something.

“So you love me?”

Cas  was startled, clearly not having expected that.

After Cas’ only response seemed to be a deer in the headlight look, Dean chuckled softly.

“Earlier. You said you love me. Present tense. Not loved but love.”

Having calmed down a bit, Cas managed an affirmative sound at that.

“But why? After everything you told me-“

“Love is not always rational, Dean.”

At Dean’s unbelieving look, he continued.

“I know you think I should probably hate you. And believe me, sometimes I even want to.”

Dean mumbled something that sounded like he repeated mockingly the word “sometimes” but Cas ignored him.

“But there are moments, they are seldom, I give you that but they are there. And in those moments I recognize the real you again.” 

Dean frowned.

“The real …me?”

Cas nodded.

“Yes, the real you. The Dean that cared. The Dean who made strange jokes that only he understood. The Dean who made references that I may never understand. That Dean is the real one. He’s just buried down very deep. You can think what you want but those little moments are worth it to me. And those moments make it impossible for me not to love you.”

Dean was suddenly incredibly sad. Hearing how Cas still held onto him after he treated him that badly…he simply didn’t deserve that.

“Cas-“

Cas shrugged.

“It is what it is.”

Dean shook angrily his head while breathing out. He knew when a battle was lost.

“Maybe it helps you to know that I wish I could kill my future self for all of this.”

Cas’ eyes widened and he looked shocked at Dean.

“Relax, I’m not gonna do it since I don’t know what could happen. But I really wish I could. I, no he has no right to treat you like that. You were his best friend, for God’s sake.”

Cas looked even more surprised at that, only that he now carried a soft smile.

“I’m your best friend?” 

Dean let his eyes wander over his friend whose head was tilted at the moment.

That just managed to look adorable in every version of Cas.

“Yes, of course.”

This made Cas beam at him and Dean’s answering smile didn’t wait long.

Then they heard loud noises from outside. Something was definitely happening. 

Uncertain how to proceed, they looked at each other sadly.

A sudden urge in Dean demanded attention and honestly he was way too emotionally exhausted to resist.

So without saying anything, he calmly took the remaining steps towards the other man and threw his arms around him.

At first, Cas stiffened and Dean was afraid that he would be pushed away but then Cas exhaled and threw his arms also around Dean.

Dean’s arms had been lying loosely around Cas’ shoulders but as soon as Cas’ grip around Dean’s back tightened, he followed suit.

They held onto each other for many minutes and neither seemed to be keen on letting go.

If anyone had walked in, he would have described it even as clinging to each other.

It definitely had a desperate touch to it.

Then the sounds became distinctively louder, they reluctantly stepped away from each other.

They looked one last time at each other before they nodded, and Dean walked outside.

He didn’t notice Cas standing there watching him go with tears in his eyes and maybe it was for the best.

What followed was pure chaos.

First, he had to watch himself shooting someone seemingly without any reason, only to get what seemed like a reprimand from himself.

Then he joined this weird as hell meeting only to later find out that Cas wasn’t even an angel anymore.

At this moment he had thought that his life couldn’t even suck more than that.

But then he had to watch horrified his future self  sacrificing  Cas among others as a means to an end.

At that moment he knew that there was no way that he had ever deserved Cas’ feelings.

And above all, he felt guilty. He should have somehow made Cas not blindly trust him.

Maybe then Cas would still be alive.

However, Dean hadn’t really had time to dwell on that for long because then he met Lucifer himself, who was using Sam as his vessel.

This just got worse and worse by the minute.

In the end, he landed faster than he thought first back next to Zachariah and then thank heavens moments later next to Cas.

His Cas, the present Cas. The Cas who unknowingly saved him because of their appointment.

Dean couldn’t help but to lay a hand on the angel’s shoulder and tell him "Don't ever change."

The hunter knew that only he got the depth of that statement but he meant every word.

Then, out of sheer happiness over seeing Cas alive once again, he grabbed the startled angel and hugged him hard.

At first, he thought once again that he would be pushed away but to his surprise, the angel tentatively lifted his arms and gently put them on Dean’s back.

Suddenly he had to think about something.

If it was to believe what future Cas had said, this, no his Cas here was already in love with him.

Within  a few seconds, all their interactions rushed through his head.

Cas’ smiles at him, his gentle touches, the way he always looked at him.

Oh, God.

Cas loved him.

Truly loved him.

God knew how long already.

Sensing Dean tensing, Cas was about to let go when Dean upon noticing that, only tightened his grip.

If the other man had been human, it would have definitely left bruises.

But Cas only tightened his own grip as well, albeit not as much.

“Is everything alright, Dean?”

Suddenly memories of the other Cas, who had died because he had trusted him, flashed before eyes.

Instead of answering, he just shook his head and hid his face in Cas’ shoulder while he tried desperately to hold the tears back.

He was startled when he suddenly felt a hand slowly rub his back up and down.

Cas was trying to comfort him.

Thinking about the pain in the other Cas’ eyes, a sob escaped his mouth.

It was pathetic, really.

Here he was grieving a friend that hadn’t even died yet and yet he couldn’t help himself.

Slowly, he  eventually let go of Cas and stepped back.

The angel looked really troubled and worried.

Just as it looked like he wanted to ask Dean something, Dean made a decision and interrupted him while wiping his still wet face.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course. But what-“

Dean lifted a hand to stop him.

“And can I get an honest answer?”

Raising one eyebrow, he waited as Cas frowned, still clearly wanting to ask what’s troubling Dean. 

They stared at each other for a few moments before Cas gave up, sighing.

“Very well. Go on and ask me your important question.”

Dean swallowed.

Now he was suddenly incredibly nervous.

What if future Cas had been wrong?

Then Dean would just look like an idiot.

Feeling torn, he noticed that Cas started to look weary.

Deciding to man up, he stood straighter and fixed his gaze on the other’s face.

“Do you love me?”

The angel froze and his whole impression was a hellish déjà vu to him.

“Why would you ask that, Dean?”

That wasn’t a no, Dean reminded himself when he thought about how to answer.

“Let’s just say I had an interesting meeting which gave me a good reason to believe that.”

Cas seemed disbelieving but stayed wide-eyed while contemplating what to say.

While looking at anything but the hunter Cas started to fidget.

It amused Dean tremendously to see the otherwise always calm man getting more nervous by the second.

“I think you can say that due to our profound bond, I have developed some amorous feelings regarding you.”

Because he was still avoiding Dean’s face, he missed how the hunter looked at him.

His look was full of fondness and something else. Something yet unnamed. 

His thoughts drifted back to the pleasing of the other Cas and how he would have deserved so much more.

“Would you like to go on a date sometime?”

At that Cas’ head snapped up.

“But Dean, I have a male vessel. And you stressed on more than one occasion that you aren’t attracted to males.”

Tilting his head, he  frowned at Dean, who just chuckled softly. 

“Yes I know. But since that meeting, I think that many things aren’t what they seem.”

“But-“

Dean rolled his eyes and did something that should have really scared him but didn't. He pressed a fast but hard kiss onto Cas’ cheek.

It was fascinating to Dean to see for the first time an angel starting to blush.

The color started  to rise slow ly but soon enough Cas’ whole face was beet red.

“So…?”

“Ye-“

Squawking, he stopped to clear his throat.

“Yes, I would like to go on a date with you.”

Dean smiled at that and got an answering smile in return.

Then he outstretched his hand towards the angel.

“Come on.”

Cas looked unsure at the offered hand for a while before hesitantly taking it.

Immediately Dean pulled the other man closer and began to walk, happy about the fact that Cas let himself be pulled. 

After a few minutes of quiet walking, Cas broke the silence.

“Dean, where are we going?” 

Dean laughed.

“Would it be too cheesy to say into the future?”

Cas rolled his eyes at that and attempted to look annoyed although a quirk on his lips betrayed him.

“Dean.”

“Alright. We’re gonna try to find someplace I can eat breakfast and do something I should have done a long time ago.”

Cas tilted his head questioningly so Dean explained that he wanted to talk to Sam.

“Oh but I could take us to a diner immediately.”

“Hm, no.”

“No?”

Cas stopped and so Dean turned to look at him.

Lifting both their hands, Dean smiled warmly.

“I don’t know about you but I prefer this much more.”

Beginning to blush once again, the angel only nodded.

Not minding the quietness, they continued to walk  down the road, hand in hand.

Feeling happy for the first time in a long time, Dean couldn’t help but admit, at least to himself, that there was indeed a possibility that he was more than a little bit in love with the dorky angel in the dirty trench coat himself.

Moreover, Dean made a vow in his mind that he would never hurt Cas, the way his future self did and in all the years they were together, he never did.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)  
Kudos and nice comments give me life!


End file.
